silken sigh 21.12.2024

*sigh*

The muscles that wrap around my ribs feel like silken tofu
I feel like they are more useful at throwing heavy shit around with my arms
But fail at letting me sigh as deep as I want to

ඉල ඇට කූඩුවේ 
මාන්ශපේෂි 
හුස්ම ගන්න ගැඹුරට 
බර උස්සන්න වියායාම

Right now
All the time

*sigh*

Yesterday
At the beach
The waves were so rough I'm pretty sure my head got knocked around a little bit
I was so dizzy when I got out the water

The wind it blew the sand so hard against my skin 
It felt painful

*sigh*

But underneath every grain of sand that the waves or the wind exposed
There were more grains of sand
That looked exactly the same
Not even a touch different

That's how I felt on the day after my birthday
No wind or wave could ever change me
No deep sigh can scratch that itch of mine
That lays dormant at the bottom of my lungs

No amount of smoking or coughing can liberate me
Spiritually
No amount of sex can actually free me 
From myself
And no amount of strenuous physical torture can actually help me grasp a conclusion to my disdain
And none of these can ever unbound me from my biases
From my fallacies

So I put the silken tofu in the freezer

The freezing temperature affects the water
The tofu changes its texture

I defrost it over night 
And all day
So it's back to normal 
When I come home
From work

Same block of tofu
It looks the same but it's all so different

The tofu Then gets cut into large cubes
I place them in the airfryer
Light spray of oil and turning them every five minutes
works a charm

Something so bizarre
Gets made even weirder
It tastes amazing with sweet soy sauce, chilli flakes and a drizzle of lemon
I put kimchi on the ones that need more flavour

Times have changed
Then again, nothing at all

The muscles that wrap around my ribs feel like silken tofu

*sigh*

But fail at letting me sigh as deep as I want to

Right now
All the time
Yesterday
At the beach

The wind it blew the sand so hard against my skin 
It felt painful

But underneath every grain of sand
Even if it seemed as if there's a million more of them
I realised that they were all so different
From each other
i felt a bit faint from the waves and i felt to my knees

None of the grains of sand were perfect cuboids
Like tofu
They were all bizarre shapes and forms
Like my airfryer
Like a bottle of sauce

They were almost like salt
Or kimchi
They were like leftover and dried up soy sauce at the bottom of the bowl

They were all so different
In weird little shapes
Like you 
Like me

Yesterday I felt to my knees after getting out of the waves
Then I had some tofu with sweet soy sauce

The muscles that wrap around my ribs feels like waves
Getting thrown around by waves

And they help me
Sigh, as deeply as I want
I huff, and puff, and sigh, 
*sigh*
So deeply,
*sigh*
To cool my silken tofu
Piping hot
Straight out of the airfryer

And the glistening soy sauce
Run along the cubes and fall
On top of each other
Like sand, like wind

The muscles that wrap around my ribs help me sigh
I carry pearls deep inside them
Soooooo deeply 
And there's no itch, or smoke
At the bottom of my lungs 
Anymore

*sigh*

BS








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