ab(use) 4.6.2024 (nsfw)

I like abusing myself from time to time.
I can't lie.

The coffee that stains my teeth,
The cigarette that rolls the dice on death everytime,
I crave that shit all the time.

I remember when I'm sad, I used to cope by eating food.
I used to eat till I can't eat anymore.
Or till I have nothing left to eat.
I think it made me feel alive.

When I first figured out how to wank,
Years and years ago,
I wanked till I physically cannot wank anymore.
Every. Night.

The same with violence.
The same with death.

I bumped into every grown man that stood in my path when I was a teenager.
I wanted them to fight.
I wanted them to punch.

I like abusing myself from time to time.
I can't lie.

I'm gentle these days,
People say I'm nice.

Maybe it's because I know what it's like,
To not feel good,
To not be nice.

I have a good life these days,
I treat myself and others really well,
I'm proud of myself for that,
And I think, that's why.

BS


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