why tonight 19/05/2024

[Written while listening to Bagels by Benee]

I can't sleep tonight
I wonder why
I wonder why
Tonight 

My stomach hurts
Heart boils in grief
My stomach in protest

My body aches from the gym
I have a big week ahead of me 
But it's not the future I'm scared of
For a change

It's the past
My past
Looking at it in different ways
Endless unfortunate ways
Unexpectedly 

My past
It's haunting me
My childhood
Growing up in Sri Lanka
.
Today, I attended a protest
Flags waved in the air
Flags that I was taught are terrorist symbols
People that I was told that are plotting our demise 
The minority
The evil minority
Tamils
Tigers

My people
The lions 
We sing about our bravery 
We brag to each other
And everyone else

But did it stop?
Make things better?
No.
We never did
We never do

We were just bored
Bored without war
We then hated on the Muslim
Then on the woman
Then on the white man
And then and only then we ran out of people to hate
And only then
I was able to see
That we only hated ourselves
All along

Our failures
Our weaknesses
Our colonisation
Our genocide
Our hatred

Fucking lions
Lions that are lying 
Lying fucking lions
We are good for nothing 
But ruining good things.

We ruined them
And ourselves
And everything else in-between
I wish I knew sooner
I wish I could make everyone see

Proud lions my arse.

More like toothless hyenas.
We were the problem.
All along.

BS

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