I saw a man at a restaurant last night
His family offered me and my mates their table
They had just finished their meal
We were very thankful
The old man, most likely the couple's father,
Was the last to get up
He seemed to be confused by the interaction
I instantly assumed he didn't speak English
I smiled at him and nodded
He looked back at me blankly
Wiping his mouth with a tissue
His eyes shy
His body language, timid
He reminded me of my own grandfather
How I wish I was near him right now
That night
Holding the door open for him
Pulling a chair out for him
Helping him eat
Helping him walk,
Advocating for him,
On his behalf.
The old man at the restaurant slowly walked out
And so did my surrows
My youthful lusts and temporary surrows fought against each other in modern fashion
The grief of the self inflicted displacement of the modern day diaspora
Struggled to survive being medicated by alcohol, redbull, techno music and social validation,
And I soon forgot all about him,
Till now.
There was nothing significant about that man
That old man
He didn't even smile back at me
But in my heart I cared about him and it shattered the very same heart of mine, being reminded that I can't care for my very own right now
Under the influence of the night, my distractions led the way
For there is no other way
To cope
Than to live on
For I love him
And he loves me
And his only wish
His only lasting wish
And I know this for a fact,
His only loving wish will be,
And has always been,
To see me happy,
And to see me live my best life
Irregardless of whether he gets to be a part of it or not.
And that grief of his,
He never articulates,
He never describes,
There's no trendy open mic night with an attentive audience to cheer on his surrows
There's no youthful vigour left in him to motivate him to find "creative ways to cope"
And that surrow of him, I sometimes feel like only I can take away,
And I am doing my best, but sometimes it still is so far away,
Figuratively and literally, it's just the way it is, atleast for now, anyways.
BS
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