in defiance of rhyme; in defiance of reason.. written in motels and on flights, 24 poems for the new season.

1

Walking away from love feels like walking away from a dinosaur

Something I'd like to see alive again,

But only in it's glory.

A glory that is no more,

Just a fraction of a story.

2

Not a single word of poetry I ever will write belongs to me.

They are on the OTHER side.

The side on which I don't live.

The side that which doesn't know about all my fallacies and complexities..

The side that which isn't mine.

3

Sometimes I wish I could beat the living shit out of my past self and drink my own blood

4

Sometimes I wish I could beat the living shit out of someone

Anyone

But definitely not me

And definitely not my past selves 

5

I might be outnumbered in that fight, but I'll still win.

6

Even if I lose, I'll definitely win in the future.

7

If violence is immoral

Then you can't ever achieve morality with violence

8

Actually, you can.

9

Immorality and immortality rhymes too good with each other, for me to not write about it.

10

We are all going to die one day, we should just read and write poetry all day and choose a slow death.

11

I'm starting to not fear rejection

And missing out

And most definitely regret

I can't feel those emotions anymore

Now I'm filled with respect and responsibility.

And a lust for life.

I want to carve my name on the tree trunks of existence all around me.

12

Are all emotional afflictions, fallacies?

And all emotional intensities, futile?

Are all arms, meant to hug,

Fists, to clench,

And legs, to run?

Do all mountains have waterfalls,

All creeks, rivers,

All children, dreams,

And all sticks, dogs?

Aren't we all rainbows and mist,

Boulders, and dust?

Aren't we all rolling tumble weed,

Fragile, but we must?

13

I'm made to feel at home,

So so far from home all over again

I'm made to feel at home, 

I am so far from home, all over again.

14

Meanwhile I'm tangled up in my own cobwebs

Ghosts from the past

In an abandoned haunted house

All phantoms and tragedies

Yet no one to scare

Just remnants of ghosts

and wounded souls

Struggling to get out

Struggling to stay in.

15

I looked over my shoulder, 

I could swear someone was there.

I looked over my shoulder,

I was all alone.

16

I looked everywhere

Thought I had nothing

Thought everyone else had everything

I forgot to look within

Everyone else felt the same

About themselves and everything 

Back in my hotel room, I looked within,

And then I realised, I was everything. 

17

In being proven wrong,

Again and again,

I regained my faith,

Instead of losing it.

For if I am wrong,

And my confidence impermanent,

So will be my suffering,

So will be my tragedies.

18

In being the water that moulds itself to the cup, 

In wanting to be the premium water that leaps out of the spring,

I lost all desire to be anything but what I already am.

And that night,

I slept the best sleep of my life,

And in my dreams,

I watched boulders melt around me as I flowed through them,

I watched clouds applaud me,

And lightening cheer,

In standing ovation.

19

In mild inconveniences,

Out spills a part of your self that is true,

As quick as it is to not last,

Those little inconvenient parts of us never loses in significance.

Quick to anger and even quicker to dismiss,

I'm scared those battles we'll never conquer;

I'd hate to wake up on my death bed

and have to hate the fact that I never changed.

20

"I've been writing heaps lately, and I've been thinking.. if I had a fucking ounce of gratitude for my own life, maybe I wouldn't have so much to write about.."

-Pixie over a coffee, 3rd January 2024

P.s.

"Shoes are temporary, tattoos are forever."

"Hydrated is the new hot; I haven't seen a hydrated MF in a while.."

21

Drowning in guilt,

I watched my life: insane.

22

It aches in different ways 

All the different ways we feel helpless

23

Yesteryears, I said yes to tears

Yes to cheers, I say yes to beers

24

Twenty four.

Xo

Infant Lightening.