Rock and a soft place
We did fuck all today. Just shovelling rocks all day. small crushed rocks and soil to make up garden beds of course.
Felt tired and gross this morning as I slept in, and didn't shower. As I drove into work, I reflect how my pleasure and self-acceptance is conditional. Why the fuck is it that I expect myself to be smelling clean and punctual for me to relax into feeling affectionate towards myself? Why does everything have to be "good" for me to feel grateful for anything?
Man, I'm grateful to be ME! Myself that made up for being late by taking a shorter lunch break. Myself that took initiative and led the team to make decisions on the spot to get the job done ahead of time. Myself that noticed a different team excessively burrowing some materials that belong to us, so I politely communicated a boundary so we can continue our job tomorrow with ease. Myself that boosted team morale with my sense of humour and kindness. I try so hard to be my best self everyday and I'm GRATEFUL to be me. I only have ever truly known ONE person, and that is me; and that imperfect human being, I choose to keep learning to accept and CHOOSE to wake up in the morning and LOVE everyday. Every fucking day, and I fucking mean it. Amen.
Clouds
Clouds are just up there man, you think they are always there, in the same spot, and they are not! Constantly moving, evolving, subtle and rigid at the same time, they are constantly evading the grasp of my thoughts. Ever present and omnipresent, yet inconsistent and flaky, they evade my thoughts like my heart-beat, my pulse, and my breath. They just dangle up there till I notice them, stopping in my tracks, I am forgotten who I am, and reminded how fragile we are; living on a space rock, wrapped in a film of air, darting around space, reliant on an exploding star for everything, destined for greatness and doom, all fucking over again.
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck.
fuck
FUCK
FuCk! Fuck , fuch, fuck, kufc, kick, cuck, ciikk, fuck.
Fuck. Fuck
Fuck fuckc dixkxm duck djckxmfuxkm
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