1. I have clogged 5 toilets in the last fortnight. My high protein low fibre diet is starting to bite me in the arse, literally. If you do the maths, that's 5 toilets in 10 business days. That's half a toilet a day.
You can live a life of mediocrity till comes the day that you don't. So, never give up on yourself.
2. It takes a plumber 4 years to be fully qualified. They are also the highest paid trade in Australia, money well deserved for their expertise.
It only took me 5 minutes to find a 7 dollar bahnmi from the dodgiest shop in Sunshine and I massacred an innocent toilet at the nearest shopping centre without even breaking a sweat.
In conclusion, capitalism is my bitch.
3. The biggest reason why a toilet gets clogged is because of excessive wiping and too much paper in there. So the trick is to simply wait for the clogged water to do the trick and go down. Flushing again in 5 minutes (at your own risk), sometimes is the easiest solution.
Patience is the best virtue in shit situations. Literally.
4. I dropped an exceptionally long and stiff log in an unsuspecting fancy toilet in Melton and all the paper flushed around it, but the log stayed put at the bottom of the bowl. I walked away in shame, but I also secretly felt proud of myself.
You got to know when to walk away.
5. A dookie that a fancy toilet at the local Chinese restaurant wouldn't know what to do with, the below average porta-loo at the worksite can handle with ease.
Never judge a book by its cover.
6. Centuries of human technology has created the ultimate device to accommodate all of humanity's defecatory needs, meanwhile I'm going around fucking them up with ease.
Never let one asshole make you forget how awesome you are.
Comments
Post a Comment